Monday, August 23, 2021

The Swimming Song by Loudon Wainwright III

 This summer I went swimming

This summer I might have drowned
But I held my breath and I kicked my feet
And I moved my arms around
Moved my arms around
This summer I swam in the ocean
And I swam in a swimming pool
Salt my wounds, chlorined my eyes
I'm a self destructive fool
I'm a self destructive fool
This summer I did the back stroke
And you know that that's not all
I did the breast stroke and the butterfly
And the old Australian crawl
The old Australian crawl
This summer I swam in a public place
And a reservoir to boot
At the latter I was informal
At the former I wore my suit
I wore my swimming suit, yeah
This summer I did swan dives
And jack knives for you all
And once when you weren't looking
I did a cannonball
Did a cannonball
This summer I went swimming
This summer I might have drowned
But I held my breath and I kicked my feet
And I moved my arms around
Moved my arms around
Hey!

3 comments:

Dan Tschirhart said...

Swimming to me is just like running

I only do it if I have to

So I usually don't put myself in situations where it could arise

Never been a fan of the chlorine in pools, lakes are suspect. and the ocean is a big fat nope

Granted a lot of this has to do with my fear of sharks

But also there's the fact that we simply don't belong in the water

Now some people are born to swim and/or surf & I get that

And to some, the ocean is their home and they're in tune with it

My hang up is that we're so damn defenseless to all of the creatures that could be around us at any moment

Not counting the fact that we could also drown

When you get in the ocean, you're within 50 feet of a shark at all times

They're not necessarily Great Whites, but you don't know that

And sharks aren't the only culprits - have you ever seen a barracuda?

By Jove those teeth look awfully sharp

And if you're lucky enough, you could run into a Jellyfish or a Giant Squid

So I guess my message here is: if swimming is your thing, more power to you, you can have it

I'll be on the beach reading a book - while getting a sunburn in the shade

Pirate Aggro said...

A riff on a stellar replay. When I was a kid I could spend all day at the pool splashing around mindlessly. As an adult, I can handle the pool with a purpose. Like swimming for exercise. What I really like is the calm under the water. But you cant stay under water long without dying. If I had a scuba set up I would be like Dustin Hoffman in the graduate and just put it on and sit at the bottom of the pool. I also like to go swimmin with bowlegged women.

An no. Humans were not meant for the water. Which is why Scuba is necessary. Just like a space suit is necessary for a space walk. Unless you are princess lea and just use the force to float over to a space ship.

I just wonder about whales and dolphins. At some point some land loving mammal said "you know, screw it. We are going back." You know his kids probably protested but the dude said "you will get in that water now. This is not a debate."

Dan has influenced me about sharks. When I was in Hawaii for my anniversary those National Geographic documentaries where a seal is swimming along happily minding his own goddamn business and suddenly a shark comes up under and throws him in the air and catches him in his mouth and that's all she wrote, was always on my mind and I would think of Dan and how it was not an irrational fear. That did not stop me for snorkeling and getting my back fried.

One time when I was snorkeling on that trip I went to get out of the ocean and I was trying to get my flippers under me and my mask off etc in the surf. Abut 20 yards away a big fat guy was also floundering in the surf getting rolled back and forth. A group of woman were standing in the breakers pointing at the fat dude and screaming. I thought "jesus dude just stand up!" When I got myself upright I was going to yell at those lame women to help him. When I did get stood up I realized that the fat dude was a seal.

We are defenseless in the ocean. I have read about humans being rescued and protected from sharks by dolphins or whales. In one interview I listened to the interviewer asked the ocean biologist why they do it. She said "probably because they think humans are so defenseless and so dang cute when they thrash around like that."

Speaking of thrashing, Ziah has twice had a life guard jump in a pool to rescue her whilst swimming because Ziah swimming looks a lot like drowning. Both times she was shocked and incensed when the lifeguard guard grabbed her.

Aaron said...

The ocean needs to fuck off.

Pools suck.

I hate swimming.