Friday, August 02, 2019

The Biggest Ball of Twine In Minnesota by Wierd Al Yankovic

Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing
So one night when my family the I were gathered 'round the dinner table
I said, "Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now
Where'd you like to go ta"
They said, "Dad, we want to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota"
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled wieners,
Crossword puzzles, Spider-Man comics, and mama's home made rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway and the neighbors, they all waved good-bye
And so began our three day journey
We picked up a guy holding a sign that said "twine ball or bust"
He smelled real bad and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hair net
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down,
Yelling "Are we there yet?"
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate in our '53 DeSoto
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled wieners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty, boy I wish the kids could of seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals of all the place where we've already been
There's Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum,
The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World,
The Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock,
And The Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums,
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
We've seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches,
But there's still one thing we gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw a sign that said "Twine Ball exit - 50 miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy the started singing
"99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" for the 27th time that day
So, we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled wieners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Finally, at 7:37 early Wednesday evening as the sun was setting
In the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon, it appeared to me like a vision
Before my unbelieving eye
I parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence towards that
Glorious huge majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity,
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open ten to eight on weekdays,
In a little shrine under a make-shift pagoda,
There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, what on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh, windin' up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of string
What was he trying to prove, who was he trying to impress
Why did he build it, how did he do, it was anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine, what was goin' through his mind
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time
Well, we walked up beside it and I warned the kids
"Now, you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason"
I said, "Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our car
And we can take it home", but I was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvenir miniature ball of twine, some window decals,
And anything else they'd sell us
And we bought a couple post cards, "Greetings from the twine ball,
Wish you were here"
Won't the folks back home be jealous
I gave our camera to Bernie and we stood by the ball and we all gathered
'round and said, "Cheese"
The Bernie ran away with my brand new Insti-Matic,
But at least we got our memories
Then we all just stared at the ball for a while and my eyes got moist,
But I said with a smile, "Kids, this here's what America's all about"
Then I started feelin' kinda gooey inside and I fell on my knees
And I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unraveled that sucker,
It'd roll all the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
'Cause it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn't want to leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, "Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go"
Then I winked my eye and I said, "You know, I got a funny kind of feelin'
We'll be comin' back again next year"
'Cause I've been all around this great big world
And I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota

3 comments:

Aaron said...

In the song Weird Al ponders why anyone would build the world’s largest ball of twine. And I am wondering why anyone write this song. Weird Al is a strange man. In my mind he is king of the nerds. A total dweeb who is blessed with an amazing ability for creativity and rhyme. Sometimes I used to get Howard stern and weird al mixed up. They both have long lame curly hair, but Howard stern is a mean lame dude and weird al is just a dorky rad dude. I remember hearing his songs on the Dr. Demento radio show. I appreciate his ability to create rad songs for as long as he has. He is like the king of parody. I remember the video to like a surgeon. I am sad he doesn’t make music videos anymore. Well maybe he does, but I haven’t seen any.

Aggro said...

Oh he does. He sold out red rocks thursday.

Dan Tschirhart said...

I'm jealous you got to see Weird Al at Red Rocks

He's on my bucket list of bands I need to see live

Dr Demento was one of my staples of childhood

I found so many classic songs on that show - that I still know all the words to

And Weird Al was a regular on the program

I bought his first album with hits such as, 'My Bologna', 'Another One Rides The Bus' & 'I Love Rocky Road'

It didn't have Yoda though, so I had to tape that off the radio

Weird Al is the bomb diggity, it's legit - So many classic parodies

A few other favorites include - I Lost on Jeopardy, The Plumber Song, You Don't Love Me Anymore

The only artist that wouldn't let him parody his songs.....Prince