If You Were Gay by Avenue Q

[Rod]
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s."
No roommate to bother me
How could it get any better than this?

[Nicky]
Oh, hi Rod!

[Rod]
Hi Nicky

[Nicky]
Hey Rod, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

[Rod]
That's very interesting

[Nicky]
He was being real friendly
And I think he was coming on to me
I think he might've thought I was gay!


[Rod]Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don't care
What did you have for lunch today?

[Nicky]
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod

[Rod]
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read

[Nicky]
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about

[Rod]
I don't want to talk about it
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

[Nicky]
Yeah, but


[Rod]OVER!!!

[Nicky]
Well, okay, but just so you know—
If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean 'cause, hey
I'd like you anyway
Because you see
If it were me
I would feel free
To say that I was gay
(But I'm not gay.)

[Rod]
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read
What?!

[Nicky]
If you were queer

[Rod]
Ah, Nicky!


[Nicky]I'd still be here

[Rod]
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book

[Nicky]
Year after year

[Rod]
Nicky!

[Nicky]
Because you're dear
To me

[Rod]
Argh!

[Nicky]
And I know that you

[Rod]
What?

[Nicky]
Would accept me too

[Rod]
I would?

[Nicky]
If i told you today
"Hey! Guess what
I'm gay!"
(But I'm not gay.)
I'm happy
Just being with you

[Rod]
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey

[Nicky]
So what should it
Matter to me
What you do in bed
With guys?

[Rod]
Nicky, that is wrong!

[Nicky]
No it's not!
If you were gay
I'd shout hooray!

[Rod]
I am not listening!

[Nicky]
And here I'd stay

[Rod]
La la la la la!

[Nicky]
But I wouldn't get
In your way

[Rod]
Aaaah!

[Nicky]
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day
To tell you it's okay
You were just born
That way
And, as they say
It's in your DNA
You're gay!

[Rod]
But I'm not gay

[Nicky]
If you were gay

[Rod]
Argh!

DEDICATED TO DAN AND THE AWESOME JOB HE DID! NEGAGIVE NELLY DOES NOT THINK ITS OKAY... HE HATES GAY PEOPLE... HE ALSO HATES ALL MUSICALS... ACTUALLY HE HATES EVERYTING... THUS NEGATIVE NELLY.

America the Beautiful by Ray Charles

Oh beautiful, for heroes proved,
In liberating strife,
Who more than self, our country loved,
And mercy more than life,
America, America, may God thy gold refine,
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain devined.
And you know when I was in school,
We used to sing it something like this, listen here:
Oh beautiful, for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties,
Above the fruited plain,
But now wait a minute, I'm talking about
America, sweet America,
You know, God done shed his grace on thee,
He crowned thy good, yes he did, in a brotherhood,
From sea to shining sea.
You know, I wish I had somebody to help me sing this
(America, America, God shed his grace on thee)
America, I love you America, you see,
My God he done shed his grace on thee,
And you oughta love him for it,
Cause he, he, he, he, crowned thy good,
He told me he would, with brotherhood,
(From sea to shining sea).
Oh Lord, oh Lord, I thank you Lord
(Shining sea). 

YOU BELIEVE IT WHEN RAY SINGS IT...

The Needle Has Landed by Neko Case

Here I am in traffic's slow flow
(Where the needle touched down)
Carbon planes draw a cage around the air force base
(where the needle touched down)
My foot on the brake
Its OK to fly low
Over poor spanaway
An eagle swooped down from a semitrailer
Took the name of your town from a sharktooth freighter
The needles the same its recorded and played
As when you left me at the greyhound station the year I moved away
And if I knew then what's so obvious now
You'd still be here baby
My baby
Baby

that's why I never come back here
That's why they spit out my name
Your ex is a part of the battle
Trying to keep me away
The sledge of tectonic fever
The needle has landed again
Let it play

And the needle touched down
The needle has landed
The needle touched down
The needle has landed

The needle touched down from a semitrailer
Took the name of your town from a sharktooth freighter
And if I knew then what's so obvious now
You'd still be here

JUNKIES AINT ALLOWED TO THROW NEEDLES AWAY IN THE TRASHCAN OUTSIDE A STORE NEAR HERE... THERE'S A SIGN THAT SEZ SO... CLASSY PLACE, THAT.

Someone to Watch Over Me by Ella Fitzgerald

There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, seek and ye shall find
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man
Some girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

I THINK SHE MEANS SOMEONE TO PLAY OVERWATCH WITH ME... I DIDNT EVEN KNOW OVERWATCH EXISTED BACK THEN... WELL YOU LEARN SOMETHING EVERY DAY...

Respect Yourself By The Staple Singers

If you disrespect anybody that you run in to
How in the world do you think anybody's s'posed to respect you
If you don't give a heck 'bout the man with the bible in his hand
Just get out the way, and let the gentleman do his thing
You the kind of gentleman that want everything your way
Take the sheet off your face, boy, it's a brand new day

Respect yourself, respect yourself
If you don't respect yourself
Ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot, na na na na
Respect yourself, respect yourself

If you're walking 'round think'n that the world owes you something cause
You're here you goin' out the world backwards like you did when you
Put your hand on your mouth when you cough, that'll help the solution
Oh, you cuss around women and you don't even know their names and you
Dumb enough to think that'll make you a big ol man

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I TELL MY KIDS 'HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT'... USUALLY ITS WHEN THEY FIGHT IN PUBLIC THOUGH... NOT WHEN THEY CUSS AROUND WOMEN...

Waving My Dick In The Wind by Ween

I'm waving my dick in the wind, waving my dick in the wind
If it all goes right, I'll be in your arms tonight
But I'm waving my dick in the wind

I'm lost in the sauce once again, I'm lost in the sauce once again
If I make it through the night, everything will be alright
But I'm lost in the sauce once again

It's been 97 days since I've laid my head beside you
And a million miles of highway in between
There's some red and blue lights that are shinin' right behind me
And that pig's a pretty mean bastard

You should have seen old Jimmy Wilson dance
You should have seen old Jimmy Wilson dance
Give that boy a dime and you could a chance
To see old Jimmy Wilson dance

Dance Jimmy
I'm doin' the best I can there, Deaner
That's it
You know I can't really dance like I used to, I mean I try,
But I'm an old, old man now

I've got a real good feelin bout' old Jimmy Wilson
Sho' nuff' he's got what it takes
Do another number for me please won't ya Jimmy
Cause you're a really good dancer

Ooh yeah, help me now

I'm waving my dick in the wind, waving my dick in the wind
If it all goes right, I'll be in your arms tonight
But I'm waving my dick in the wind
Waving my dick in the wind
Waving my dick in the wind

WELL... I SUPPORT DICK WAVING... AS LONG AS IT IS NOT DONE TO SEXUALLY HARRASS... AND THESE DAYS YOU ARE LIKELY TO GO TO PRISON... AND THERE'S LOTS OF DICK WAVING THERE I TELL YOU... AND NOT THE FUN KIND...

Stop Talking by Miya Folick

I generally don't like to talk about
The idiosyncrasies of an obvious fool
It's clear to me he's not worth your energy
Let's break it down
He's just not very nice to you

I find myself floating away
Outside of space and time
I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude
But I think I'm losing my mind

Stop talking about that boy
Stop talking about that boy
Stop talking about that boy
Stop talking about the boy

Alright. Okay. I must admit
I've talked off my share of ears
On the subject at hand
Sound like a pathetic parrot repeating
Polly wanna cracker til it eats
So many crackers that it's dead

I like to see you happy
And I much enjoy your brain
The way you think is so unique
But he's taking all the real estate

Stop talking about that boy
Stop talking about that boy
Stop talking… 

KNOW WHO NEVER STOPS TALKING?... THAT DUDE THAT PUT STEVEN BUCHEMI IN THE WOOD CHIPPER IN FARGO... THAT DUDE WAS A BLABBER MOUTH...

You have to make a choice
Don't be an accidental voice
We have to speak with grace
We will become the words we say
Hey. We will become the words we say
Hey. We will become the words we say

Stop talking about that

Stop talking about that boy, boy, boy

Rain by The Beatles

If the rain comes they run and hide their heads
They might as well be dead
If the rain comes, if the rain comes

When the sun shines they slip into the shade
(when the sun shines down)
And sip their lemonade
(when the sun shines down)
When the sun shines, when the sun shines

Rain, I don't mind
Shine, the weather's fine

I can show you that when it starts to rain
(when the rain comes down)
Everything's the same
(when the rain comes down)
I can show you, I can show you

Rain, I don't mind
Shine, the weather's fine

Can you hear me, that when it rains and shines
(when it rains and shines)
It's just a state of mind?
(when it rains and shines)
Can you hear me, can you hear me?

Sdaeh rieht edih dna nur yeht semoc niar eht fI
(rain)
(rain) 

RAIN MAKES THE GRASS GROW GREEN... SNOW CAN STICK IT... BUT I GUESS SNOW MAKES THE GRASS GROW GREEN TOO... BUT IT CAN STILL STICK IT... SO CAN WIND... FRIGGIN WIND...

Missed the Boat by Modest Mouse

While we're on the subject
Could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ear's door, but you were always out
Looking towards the future
We were begging for the past
Well, we know we had the good things
But those never seemed to last
Oh, please just last

Everyone's unhappy
Everyone's ashamed
Well, we all just got caught looking
At somebody else's page
Well, nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a dam

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell
Saying, "Yes, this is a fine promotion"
Oh, and I laugh all the way to hell

Of course everyone goes crazy
Over such and such and such
We made ourselves a pillar
We just used it as a crutch
We were certainly uncertain
At least, I'm pretty sure I am
Well, we didn't need the water
But we just built that, good God damn

Oh, and I know this of myself
I assume as much for other people
Oh, and I know this of myself
We've listened more to life's end-gong
Than the sound of life's sweet bells

Was it ever worth it?
Was there all that much to gain?
Well, we knew we missed the boat
And we'd already missed the plane
We didn't read the invite
We just dance at our wake
All our favorites were playing
So we could shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

Tiny curtain's open, and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
A tiny man would tell a little joke, and get a tiny laugh from all the folks
Sitting, drifting around in bubbles, and thinking it was us that carried them
When we finally got it figured out, that we had truly missed the boat

Oh, and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh, and we owned all the tools ourselves
But not the skills to make a shelf with
Oh, what useless tools ourselves

I RECENTLY SAW A YOUTUBE VID OF A COUPLE BEING LEFT BEHIND BY THIER BOAT ON A CRUISE BECAUSE THEY WERE AN HOUR LATE... IT WAS SORT OF FUNNY BUT I STILL FELT BAD FOR THEM...